It’s not done. Probably it will still get done, but progress has not been good.
I appreciate everyone’s patience, but at this point this is a professional failure on my part. It’s taken longer to write (to fail to write!) book 4 than to write all three prior novels in the series. That’s not okay.
Thoughts on why. In short: my life is much better and my feelings about being a writer are much worse.
1. Life
When I wrote the first three Baru novels I was to varying degrees poor and miserable. I lived in collapsing, mushroom-ceilinged, roach-infested housing. I had no full time income or (after burning out hard after six months of intense crunch on a video game gig) any prospects for a career. My feelings about my own writing were deeply negative. I sought out the harshest criticism I could find and measured my work against it. I deleted millions (!) of words of writing—several novels worth. The worst part is that this writing genuinely wasn’t very good! I wasn’t just being neurotic, it was actually failed work.
I am now much happier. I have a pleasant apartment, two wonderful cats, a full-time job on a successful project (we’ve sold millions of copies of Subnautica 2 in our first few weeks) and I am tolerably medicated. I have air conditioning and nothing crawls into my coffee to die! Despite the whole world, if I lie down on the couch and do nothing, most days I feel content. Anyone who’s wrestled with depression or the ‘call of the void’ knows what a relief this is.
(On bad days when I do feel depressive I find there’s something soothingly numb about it—you have no choice but to burrow, eat a ton of carbs and rot. I don’t know if this is an adaptive response to depression, or the point of depression itself, to force you into shelter and passivity the way a cat is forced by its evolution to nap 18 hours a day.)
I don’t think this improvement has ‘cost me my edge’. Being poor sucks. Living in misery and filth wastes a lot of time—when your radiator starts geysering black water everywhere, you stop making progress on your rough draft. My material conditions are a lot better, and so are my mental conditions. Contentment is an intrinsic good…but I can’t deny that in this case it is probably getting in the way of the extrinsic good of writing y’all a novel.
I spend a lot of time on things—games, cooking, friends, games with friends—that I only do for short term happiness. Objectively, I could spend some more of this time writing, or thinking about writing. Just an hour a day would be enough to finish the book in a few months. Yet I don’t buckle down and do it. Why? After years of teaching myself to be okay with non-productivity while too sick to work, I am now okay with non-productivity even when I’m able!
Which is its own problem:
2. Brain
Like most of us these days, I struggle to focus. I use a range of internet blockers and host file edits when I need to try for deep concentration. But even after quitting social media, the basic operant conditioning of “work for thirty seconds, then check for interesting notifications” is still twisted into my brain’s reward systems. Even when I have a blocker turned on, I’ll often find myself opening new tabs and checking websites I can’t even see! Like a penguin pecking a button for food pellets. Ironically, I work best with some kind of constant stimulation going, like very loud music or a TV series I’ve seen before.
I have looked at treatment for ADHD and even tried some empirical approaches like neurofeedback, which I unfortunately couldn’t afford to continue. Drugs are an option I haven’t explored yet.
I worry that the processes in my brain which used to ‘work on writing’ even while I wasn’t writing have been hijacked. I need to cultivate them, but it’s not easy when there’s so much to scroll or listen to.
Tabbed browsing and smartphone internet browsers were a mistake! This book would be done by now if I had to get online by dial-up.
3. Being a writer
My relationship to writing and other writers has changed a lot since the first Baru novel came out ten years ago. I had a community of writers I knew and exchanged critiques with, and I was in contact with a larger professional sphere—one that was obviously an embarrassing mess, but which, for a young writer, still felt like a place to meet peers (many of whom I am very fond of and remain in occasional touch with).
I felt that if I kept writing, I would find more connection. What I put out in the world would return to me in a positive way. If I met someone new in the writing world, I could be proud of my own work and excited to meet them as a peer.
Those feelings have changed. My interactions with the broader writing community have been really tough on me. The details aren’t important, but the upshot is that I now hope my writing won’t attract attention, and that if it does, I won’t have to see it. I go to professional events only to see friends from far away, and I don’t share my writing with any kind of circle or community as I work. Even my editor and agent rarely hear from me (sorry!)
This is a very different brainspace to write in. There’s a big motivational gap between “I can’t wait for people to read this!” and “I hope I won’t read anything about me that makes me want to kill myself.”
I have done the most fun writing of my life while in constant day-to-day contact with a small community, whether that’s a forum where I’m writing fanfiction, bouncing chapters off friends, an email chain with creatives who’ve hired me to work on their IP, or a coffee shop where the waiters get to know me and ask how things are going. I don’t work well alone. But when it comes to Baru 4, I am generally working alone. And my work has suffered for it: I think all three of my last novels had major structural issues and poor discipline, which led to bloated wordcounts.
The moments of biggest progress on Baru 4 have come from that most writerly form of socialization: reading a book that inspired me and applying its lessons to my own work.
4. In conclusion
I still think Baru 4 will get done. I have been working on it, I’ve known all along broadly what needs to happen, and I’ve done a lot of other work along the way — a novel, several games. But it has been too long since I promised to deliver this book and that’s on me.
Part of it is that I now see attention from other writers and fans as something I want to avoid. Part of it is that, with a decent life and steady medication, I no longer feel the extremes of strong emotion that can push a writer to the page. (On the other hand, I no longer spend years in a depressive funk, either.) Part of it is that I’ve probably become too sophisticated and jaded about my own work, too able to see all the ways it falls short. It’s easier to charge forward with a draft when you haven’t learned to sneer at yourself.
I don’t know how to fix all this but I suspect it will happen the way it always happens: at some point I will sit down and write the fucking thing, and when I get 100,000 words in, I won’t hate it so much I have to throw it out.
I felt like I owed everyone some kind of explanation and update. I’m really sorry this has taken so long. I have no good excuse, because I could have finished by now if I’d just sat down and done it. I’ve just allowed myself to sink into solitary contentedness. Which is nice, but not enough for a writer on a contract.
Thanks for bearing with me.
Seth, I occasionally check your blog for updates on Baru & your work and I’m thrilled to have found a post on the same day I checked. I’ve read your books for years, Baru obviously being my favorite but I also received an ARC for Exordia that sits contentedly on my bookshelf (Baru 1 is in my bag right now, as I am rereading).
I’m not a writer so I can’t offer advice or comments in that regard, but I *am* also a person who’s creativity comes out in my darkest moments. When you’re actually excited to be alive and living your life, you spend less time thinking about or doing things that distract you from that. You *want* to be present. I’ve had the honor of experiencing this form of joy for at least a year now, and I’m not sure I would trade it for anything. As much as I would like Baru 4 finished, I can’t fault you for stability being something that keeps you from it. To find reprieve from mental illness is an incredibly rare thing and I (or I’m sure any of your other readers) cannot blame you for basking in that sunlight.
What makes your work so good is that it’s yours— and it’s still yours even when you’re in a different mental state. I am sure Baru 4 will turn out just the way you need it to: whether that be not at all, all in one sitting, or crafted together with bits from here and there. At the end of the day we got three (four) incredible books from you, and you taught me about CTVT which is a fascination I’ll now have for the rest of my life. Anything extra you may create is precious and should be treated as such by your readers.
All I ask is that if Baru 4 is left behind, that we PLEASE!!! get even a bullet point list of plot points or major components. If Baru 4 is seen through, however, I can’t wait to put it next to its predecessors. Thank you so much for always continuing to update your readers here <3 sending love and understanding
I empathize a lot with change in ability to work from severe depression (where doing the work felt like the only way to prevent *everything* in my life from being terrible—my last bastion of control) to medicated/depression-in-check (where other things bring me joy!). But I think learning to balance that out is part of the healing process. It takes some time for your brain to adjust after being in survival mode for so long! That’s all to say, please be kind to yourself. You’re only human.
I discovered Baru on a friend’s recommendation 1.5 years ago and devoured the books. I am more than happy to wait for the conclusion so that you can take the time and space you need to write your intended conclusion.
Hey Seth, I just want you to know that what you’ve already written has brought me and many people I know so much joy (in the reading, then in the discussions and theorising and reflecting afterwards).
A lot of us out here have complicated mental health situations, and we get it. So write the book you want to write. Or don’t! At the very least please try to be proud of what you’ve already done. You deserve to be.
Thank you for the update. I wish you well in all you do. As a fan and as a fellow human.
I hope it’s okay to comment when you wrote above that attention from fans is something you want to avoid. I just wanted to say that Barus 1-3 will still be some of my favorite books no matter how long it takes for 4 to arrive– even if it never does. As someone who works in mental health, who struggles with ADHD and its impact on my own creative work, who has yet to figure out how to balance my day job and my own writing, you have my complete sympathy. I’m glad to hear that life’s gotten better for you and I hope you take as much time as you need.
Just posting this comment to express my sympathy and to let you know that I, for one, am content to patiently wait. I have enjoyed all of your novels (and your fantastic work on Destiny) so much, and I’m confident it will be worth the wait. I hope you manage to find some community that works for you and doesn’t inspire those kind of feelings. Best of luck Seth!
“It’s easier to charge forward with a draft when you haven’t learned to sneer at yourself” is too damn real. Solidarity and support from another creative in a similar spot.
I just wanted to say that, while I really appreciate your honesty and I hope that it helps other people who are struggling understand that they are not alone, it makes me sad to think that you feel you owe people self-disclosure. I have read and loved all of your novels (and your work on Avowed!), but I care more about the people behind the books I like than I do about the books themselves. Please take your time.
idk i am a big big big fan of your work and i am always looking forward to new stuff from you and i am certainly in no hurry to be handed baru 4. im very happy to hear that you are in a better place! you deserve to be happy and comfortable. ADHD meds kick ass btw i highly recommend looking into that
Seconding the ADHD meds thing. They can be life-changing. You’ll probably have to try a few to find one that clicks well with you, so don’t get discouraged if the first attempt or two or even three aren’t a good fit. They’re completely dependent on your unique body chemistry, so what works for someone else might not work for you and vice versa, but they’ve come out with a lot of new generation meds that work longer, more efficiently, with less side effects etc in recent years that are pretty cool. Give them a shot!
Also, the “opening tabs for sites you can’t even see” thing – a dopamine detox would help you here. It’s a stupid fucking name because it isn’t accurately describing what’s happening, and this is a dumb fucking video, but it’s a digestible way to describe a practice that works. You basically need a tolerance break for your brain. https://youtu.be/HYu1IN_5xao?si=rIywsYG1YdAlQz6v
I’m a long time fan of your work and I just want to say you should never feel bad about getting better. You’re an artist not a machine. If we get Baru 4 we get it, and I’d love to see it, but I consider your work some of the best of modern fantasy because I can see that you care about what you do.
Thank you for posting an update. I’m so glad your life is in a good place.
Hey Seth,
Your books were a huge help for me in my worst days. I have depression myself and a few years back, it was really bad — Baru was an anchor in those times, because of everything I read, watched or interacted with, her monologue and thoughts were the only thing I could relate to.
So when I tell you all this, I am saying that as a very interested and invested fan, I personally do not mind waiting for book 4. Life happens; I appreciate your candor on the why, but no reasonable fan would, or should go “we want depressed Seth so more Masquerade books come out”!
It can wait. We can all wait. I am glad you are doing much better these days. Please don’t feel guilty! Pet the cats and tell them I said hello from the city of cats.
Seth,
It is not a “professional failure” to not have written Baru 4 in 2026 when you published a different novel in 2024!
I await the final installment patiently and wish you the best, including being kinder to yourself. I hope it makes you even a little bit happy to know that I love the series so much — even without 4 — that I recommend it to every single person I am at least acquaintances with.
I’m more of a novice but being a writer is totally overrated! Fans suck, don’t have em. Feeling similarly about smartphone internet browsing. For what it’s worth to providing an alternative perspective, most people I’ve forced into reading Baru and Exordia have liked them enough to garner continuing interest, so it can’t be all that bad. Here’s to hoping for more writerly inspiration! Unfortunately you wrote the books I most often recommend to people when they’re struggling with that, but I’m sure you can find some alternatives. I’ve heard Subnautica 2 is good and I await the time I am personally able to play it so I can try and nitpick the writing for what I think you wrote (so I can pick favorites ofc)! Will continue to bear with the journey, goodness knows it’s been worth it so far. Finally, a question: any plans for projects after Baru 4?
Idk I’d rather you feel safer with depression than I get Baru 4 on any kind of timeline. Plus there’s so many ways you might have a great day or get sucked into a new art form and it supercharges the need to write and Baru 4 emerges whole from nothingness, et VOILA! Very plausible. Gg.
I’m really glad to hear you are doing better than before. You really do not need to appologize for taking proper care of yourself. As much as I want to read the fourth book, it should never come at an expense of your health and mental wellbeing. I’ll happily wait as much time as it takes, and still be buying it on day 1.
Also, thank you for kepping us updated, it means a lot!
Have to agree with the statement about ADHD meds. When I was 19 (almost 25 years ago), a psychiatrist suggested he thought I might have ADHD, but the moral panic around ritalin at the time scared me enough that I begged off. I would go on to barely limp through college and then finish a dissertation in the least healthy way possible. I wrote half of it in a month when I was suddenly staring down the barrel of a semester of out-of-state tuition when I followed my now-wife to another state in the last year of grad school. It wasn’t until my wife was going through her own mental health crisis that I got medicated, because I knew that I absolutely had to be able to hold up my end of things. I’m not exactly sad or angry when I think about those two decades of life that I could have been medicated, but I have a lot of sympathy for the young man who simply thought he was lazy all those years.
And of course, it’s not a panacea. I still check the notifications too much. But it just about guarantees that I can get at least four good hours of concentration on a day that needs them, and that’s a pretty startling contrast from when I was 19.
Thank you for the update!! Baru is incredibly important to me but you’ve left her in a good place — personally I will be elated when book 4 comes out whether that’s in 5 years or 10!
glad to hear your life situation has improved & i will be playing subnautica 2 when it’s out of EA!!
<3 echoing the other commenters, i am happy to wait indefinitely. happy to hear life has vastly improved and that's way more important than the grind of production. (and besides, i come from fandom. i've waited 10+ years for a single chapter update XD)
Thank you for giving us an update! I’m very glad that you’re in a better place holistically. I also want to congratulate you on the success of Subnautica 2!
I read all three books in the Masquerade at the beginning of this year, and it easily became my favourite series of all time. I just find your writing to be absolutely spectacular, and I reread my favourite bits from those books quite often. While we all would love Baru 4, it shouldn’t come at the expense of you potentially suffering from it if you push yourself. I’d happily wait however long it takes for you write Baru 4 at the pace you’re good with, but even if it never does come- I’m very grateful to have had the experience to read these amazing books in my life!
🙂
For what it is worth, notwithstanding your allegation that you have had bloated and lazily edited manuscripts, your prose continues to bring wonder.
I think often on an almost throwaway moment you had in MONSTER. It was such a small moment, and could have been deleted without anyone being the wiser. And yet when I read it I shivered. What possible architecture of your connectome made you capable of this? It was only four simple words: “a carillon of thunder.” And the result: my memories of church bells ringing in the summer heat now all taste of ozone.
I hope you can learn to forgive yourself for not being a perfect writer. You are a wondrous one nevertheless.
I’m very glad to hear that you’re doing better, and I certainly appreciate getting an update on the status of Baru 4, but like others, I don’t feel myself owed either Baru 4 or the reasons behind its delay. the person behind the book matters more than my entertainment. it’s disheartening to hear that the writing community has been… difficult, but seeing how it’s behaved around other things, it doesn’t surprise me.
I’ve read and loved each of your novels. whenever Baru 4 drops, I know it will be excellent; I am quite patient, there are many many books to read in this world.
I don’t have ADHD, but I’ve observed people who do and getting medicated for it has always been a boon for them. my therapist tells me I have depression; I don’t disagree with assessment and am actively exploring what options there are for getting that medicated. so it’d probably be worthwhile: it can’t hurt and it might help.
Thank you so much for the update. Honestly, this was absolutely amazing to read. I’ve periodically checked your blog for several years now and I could often get the sense of how difficult things were for you. To hear that you are now stable and content and safe – that means everything. Even though you see it now through different eyes, and see it’s flaws and cracks, Baru was and is something that activated passion and imagination in me. It was always sad to know that the person who created the story and characters who so deeply charged my soul was struggling. To now know that you are doing better? Doing well even? Hell, I’ll wait another 10 years- more- forever for Baru’s conclusion if that remains the case. Solidarity and much love Seth.
Hi,
Your work has meant the world to me, and so many of my friends. A robust network of jaded, cynical, overly-critical women have read your novels, and all of us love them a great deal. I from experience that a creative is her own biggest naysayer, so I know that doesn’t necessarily mean much, but it bears saying anyway.
Anyway: If it comes in 5 years, I will read it. In ten years, I will read it. And if it never comes at all, that’s okay too. I’m really happy to hear that your life has turned a corner, and that is far more important than one particular piece of creative output.
All the best <3
Agree with everyone else here that your health and well-being are far more important than ever receiving a fourth Baru. If you do finish it, we’ll be delighted but if the tension is between that book and you living a happy, fulfilling life, I don’t mind if we never get it.
take your time. endings are hard. being creative is difficult and stupid and pressure sucks. play some games. enjoy a mold free life. i went to one of your exordia readings a while back and i still tell people how it was the most i’ve ever laughed in a bookstore. you seem to be a such a genuine and delightful person. just make stuff when you can and that’s all that matters. and if that’s not baru anymore, or not baru in six months, or baru for ten years, or twenty, or until tomorrow? that’s cool. make whatever wonderful things you have to make whenever you have time to make them! that’s all any of us can do.
I really appreciate you leaving us an update about the book! Your health definitely takes first priority and it’s lovely to hear how things have changed for the better for you now. You’re one of the best writers I’ve read anything from and the impact this series has left on me is unprecedented. I hope you don’t take any criticism to heart because you have changed more lives through your writing than you would ever expect. Your works are so lovely – the Masquerade series and Exordia, both of which I had the pleasure of reading several times. People don’t know what they’re talking about if they say anything about your writing! I found Exordia the perfect sci-fi and the Masquerade series a masterwork in integrating fantasy with phenomenal characters and themes. Every other fan and I are just happy to have experienced Baru’s beautiful world and characters, and we can expect nothing more from you than for you to be happy! Thank you for everything.
Hello Seth! Thank you for the update! I’m happy to hear you’re in a better place in your life, and that you’re working on Baru 4, even if you haven’t made much progress. That’s okay!
Those books mean a lot to me, but I don’t mind waiting for the final instalment. Personally, I would rather read a conclusion that you enjoyed writing and that you are satisfied with, even if it takes longer, than something you suffered through or nothing at all, so take all the time you need.
I think I can safely say that as your readers we will be excited to read Baru 4 when it comes out, whenever that may be! So again, take your time and most of all take care of yourself, we will wait for as long as it takes!
It will take the time it takes. No more and no less.
In high school, I grew to love writing music, to the point that it was basically all I did for the last year and a half or so. I was fearless, my imagination fertile. The lightest touch of boredom would cause my brain to spit out new ideas.
Then I got to college, to study music. Suddenly I had Context, and a more Refined and Informed set of tastes sitting in judgment. I gained sophisticated new tools for evaluating my work. What I was not prepared for was how I would turn those tools against myself — how one of the lessons I absorbed was how to hate my own music. Pages and pages of it would land on the cutting room floor. Is this Derivative? Is this part of The Conversation? And so on. And I didn’t really have an internal syntax to talk coherently about anxiety or coping strategies at the time.
I won’t go into what the results of all this ended up being. But I’ll say that the sneering-at-oneself bit is relatable, and I urge you to unlearn it as quickly as you are able, for your own sake. Like, don’t even be gentle; be a firm and domineering taskmaster, suffer no foolishness from that piece of yourself. And don’t shy away from boredom; FORCE yourself into measured quantities of it from time to time. Your piece already reckons with the reward-rewiring of constant stimulus, and I’ve genuinely come to believe, along my own path to musical rehabilitation, that it’s crucial to human creative practice. Even just staring at a wall for a block of 10-20 minutes a few times a week can be instructive!
You’ve set yourself a very difficult task, to one way of looking at it: Book 4 seems to be setting up a “solution” to a problem that is still decidedly open in the real world. I get how intimidating that can be. But ultimately people are along for the ride, and its perfection is less important than its telling. Folks want to hear your voice, and they want to follow along with your vision. That’s a hell of a thing, a condition to cherish.
Obviously, I’m not impartial in all this; I loved the first three books, and want to continue. So this is, at the end, a selfish intervention. So, I’ll discard that here, and conclude thus: Whatever you ultimately end up doing, I pray it gives you peace!
My comment has no bearing on your experience and ambitions, or on the wrinkle of being under contract, but as to the reader side of things: the world has been waiting 34 years and counting for the Door Into Starlight, Diane Duane’s planned fourth book in the Middle Kingdoms…so eh, we can be patient!
I read this when it popped up on my RSS reader – while I was in the middle of my first read of Tyrant, and I decided I wanted to finish it before commenting.
I genuinely think you have a fascinating mind, and I will gladly read anything you’ve published – whether that’s Baru 3.5, Baru 4, more Magic the Gathering work, more Exordia, or indeed anything else you both enjoy creating and can sell. You have a way of crowbarring open the world and revealing the hidden levers and connections that drive change that I find delightfully mind expanding.
I’m happy to hear that you’re happier, but sorry to hear that you have lost out on the community you were hoping for. Fandom and the pro community are missing out.
(+1 to the idea of ADHD meds. I started them at 44 and resent the 30 years I went without – but having work you want to do helps.)
Further to the above – contracts aside – I think you should try not to worry about reader expectations; since honestly I think the trilogy as it stands works as a whole.
We start with things already in motion. Multiple players with agency and plans; and of course brilliant precocious Baru. We end with what I think is one of the theses being reiterated – no one, no matter how brilliant, can change the world alone; nor without engaging with existing power structures.
This feels wrong to say given that you want to avoid attention from fans, but I am compelled to say that I am happy to learn that you are doing better in many and meaningful ways.
I selfishly hope to read as many works from you as possible, but even if you publish literally zero future words, know that you have had a profound positive impact.
As a writer working on my novel, it is surprisingly comforting to see the author of my favorite books of all time struggling with much the same problems I do. Hope you get to eat many big bowls of pasta, Mr. Dickinson, and I hope you find many moments of creative contentment.
Yo!
While the update is nice, I think you should remember that working a good job, spending time with friends, and taking care of yourself and your cats are admirable goals to hit just by themselves. Especially in these times we’re going through right now. Especially especially when recovering from traumatic events and fighting your brain’s old habits. Don’t be too hard on yourself for not ALSO writing a whole dang novel on top of that.
And I hope I speak for a lot of us readers when I say I’d much rather have a happy writer making slow progress than a sad one zooming, so hearing you’re doing well is good news, no matter what Baru news accompanies it. Taking time and finding yourself and what makes you happy is worth spending time on.
Wanted to let you know your writing is some of the most beautiful prose I’ve ever read and I love the different styles you wrote with in previous Barus. It was like your writing changed along with the changes in Baru’s life, which makes the story feel all the more human. I know Baru 4 will be different from the others and I’d expect nothing less. But please, don’t be in any rush to finish it. Speaking for myself and all the others before me on this thread, we love to hear you’re doing better and that’s what matters most.
And—just wanted to say thanks for writing Baru’s story in the first place. Books 1-3 helped get me through the darkest years of my own depression, and genuinely changed my life. I woke up. In an alternate universe where Baru was never written, I may still be serving my own Masquerade.
One can only hope you’ll one day find community with people who make you feel proud of your art rather than scared to share it, I’ve seen other peers driven into those feelings, your words here remind me of what happened to Isabel Fall. The internet has allowed cruelty to bloom in our society in brand new ways, mass audiences seem oh so desirable but put you at oh so great a risk. For whatever it’s worth, I can tell you the autistic transfem communities I’m a part of hold your work as incredibly touching and inspiring, people make the mistake of rarely voicing their opinion when its wholly positive, but I feel confident saying the positive reach of your work far outsizes the horrible negativity you’ve surely received from callous people with no regard for the humanity of others.
You owe fans of your work nothing, neither more work nor explanations for its absence, and honestly as far as I’m concerned, those of us who like your stuff have been eating good lately: Exordia remains one of the best novels I’ve ever read, Edge of Eternities was so good it made me momentarily forget why I don’t engage with MtG, and Subnautica 2 is breaking my “don’t get invested in ongoing narratives in videogames” rule. Baru 3 ended on a pretty good spot and if you never wrote Baru 4 that would still be true.
It honestly sounds like you’re mostly living the good life, and I’d hope anyone who enjoys your work would be happy about that. If you struggle much with the inability to focus on work (even when its fun work) that comes with ADHD, then I hope you manage to get meds someday, it truly was life changing for me when I finally got meds that worked, even on the lowest dosage they’re produced in, I remember the first time realizing I could suddenly picture things in my mind without them immediately turning to smoke, I thought those meds had to be magic.
I have loved Baru Cormorant and sometime soon I will take a look at Exordia. Your books have brought great joy into my life and I have wildly enjoyed them. I think you have written wonderful books.
From my own experiences with ADHD and as a therapist working with people with ADHD I would offer compassion and understanding that the process is never as easy as it seems or feels it should be. Also, life is complicated and it’s nice to hear that it is going better for you whether or not you ever finish book 4. Your worth is not measured in your productivity.
Also, another modality of therapy you may consider and should hopefully be on the more affordable side is brainspotting that in my experience can help with dealing with the trauma of a world experienced by someone with ADHD.
Thank you for such an honest recounting of your process and your relationship to it. I resonate with the issue of not wanting to be seen–I am a small indie writer without a large following, but I like it very much and I am grateful for my tiny audience while not wanting anything resembling wider recognition. (It would be nice to make it profitable and all that, but I am not hanging my hat on it.) This post reassures me that my resistance to fame is probably going to serve my mental health more than anything else.
I do dearly hope to see what happened in Baru 4, but FWIW I don’t see it as a professional failure if the project takes forever, or doesn’t come together at all. I feel like we can only write what is available to us to write, and sometimes we outgrow projects. Baru got me absolutely obsessed with the idea of writing fantasy based on real-world power structures like wealth and resources rather than vague notions of good and evil, and has changed me as a writer forever. No matter where you end up, it’s clear you’ve inspired so many of us to write our own works, so even without a “proper” conclusion, what you’ve made will still ripple out into the larger creative sphere!
howdy! just thought I’d pop in to say that ADHD meds have been an absolute life-saver for me. it might be a journey to get there, but it’s worth it. (ritalin didn’t work for me, but adderall has been amazing. and i know others for which the opposite is true. everyone’s brains are different, so i hear.) meds haven’t fixed every ADHD-related problem i have, but it’s nice to be a version of myself who can actually focus sometimes!
anyways, don’t dog on yourself too much, OK? your writing is amazing. perfection is the enemy of progress.
I only just discovered you through the credits screen of House of the Dying Sun. I only just started Baru 1 a week or two ago, but it’s absolutely incredible and no matter what happens next, I wish you well.
Chiming in for a comment of support! It’s been so disheartening to see the way the internet amplifies the negative voices toward so many writers and creative people. For me, I consider the first three Baru Cormorant books to be some of the best speculative fiction written in the 21st century. I frequently bemoan to my friends that few other authors are doing it like you. The exploration of complicity, colonialism, and power in the Baru books is so thought-provoking and I love the complexity and intrigue of the world you’ve created. I love the way the Baru books don’t shy away from the ambiguous or the weird. I’m planning a reread of the first three sometime in the next year, I hope.
This comment is not intended to add any pressure to the writing process – I hope that you can find a good flow state to return to writing and a community supportive of your writing, but more importantly that you maintain your health and well-being! – but to hopefully represent a silent majority of fans who are in your quarter. I would LOVE to see Baru 4, but to me it really doesn’t matter whether it’s in one given year or a few years after. It would be much sadder to me to see you lose the joy of writing (whether via unsupportive voices being too loud, or via burnout) than to see additional delays to Baru 4. Another one of my favorite authors encountered some real internet toxicity, and I was so angry at those fans for making her decide not to write in the same world after the series she was on. It’s a shame the internet seems to amplify so much negativity and cruelty (not to mention the distractions, which I certainly struggle with).
The Baru Cormorant books are so great! Already they are such a magnum opus, already they are a huge accomplishment. I don’t think it’s fair to yourself to linger in a crushing sense of guilt to your readers (we can be patient, really!), especially because it sounds like you haven’t really been able to bask in the accomplishment of all the Baru stories you’ve given us so far. Sending love for your writing and best wishes for your well-being!
I’m always proud to have gone to school with an author. I love the series even if it gives me nightmares sometimes. Glad life is feeling better.
I came here specifically ’cause I was curious what was happening with you, so I’m glad to see an update and I’m most especially glad to hear your life is going better.
I’m sorry to hear about your interactions with the broader writing community. If they were as I suspect, then I say categorically “illegitimi non carborundum” though god knows it’s hard not to fall victim to the desire for the good opinion of people whose opinions really oughtn’t be respected.
I remember being excited for the first Baru Cormorant book, and unlike with Patrick Rothfuss, I remain excited for the next one, however long it takes.
We’re rooting for you. <3
Your work and Baru are incredible. I am confident that when you release book 4 it will be the highlight of my week, whenever that happens to be. I don’t feel any particular entitlement to have that be before you’re ready.